Ephemeris
by liltrick89
Summary: The diary of Brutus, the most noble Roman, throughout the play of "Julius Caesar". Completed.
1. Conflicting Emotions

XIV Martius DCCX

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(March 14, 710 AUC (by the Roman Calendar), 43 BC (by ours))

We came home today. We came to Rome in victory, and celebrate did Julius and Antony, but I had no real part, for I am not the sporting type. It seems I have long lost the pleasure of such celebrations, as worry has overtaken me of late.

Worry seems to have overtaken Cassius as well, the damned fool. Knows not he the penalty for the treachery he spoke to me today? Does he not know that if I but tell Caesar of his conversation with me, he can and will be crucified? Does he not _think_?

Perhaps he does, for he knows I love him. Perhaps he knows that I won't betray him. Perhaps Cassius thinks all too much.

Perhaps, in his thinking, he has realized my own views on the matter.

For the ideas that Cassius brought to me, treacherous although they were, they were not alien to me. For I had thought about the matter many a time, but never have I been driven, nay, never had I even thought that perchance others would feel the same. Or maybe I had, but I wished others did not think those traitorous thoughts. For Julius is my friend and mentor. He is like a father to me, for he loved my mother much. He has always been there for me, and he regards me as one of his closest friends. However, I seem to have come out of favor, if only a little. Antony is now ever Julius' companion. They go everywhere, and Antony loves Julius at least as much as I do.

Nay, Antony loves Julius less, for he was the one who offered Julius the crown.

The people love Julius in a way very much like Antony. They love him to the depths of their soul. It's hard not to love him; the man is great and merciful. I remember when he saved my own life back when Pompey wanted my head. He is a man who would do whatever was best for his country. That is where the love of the citizens and Antony mistake Julius. For Julius, in his love for his country would never put it into a dictatorship, for he loves his country as he loves himself. Why would those that love him want to inflict upon him such a choice? A choice that in which each end is as unpleasant as the other is. On one hand he will become dictator of Rome and will have all the power he could wish for. Unfortunately, in doing this, he destroys his country and forces it into tyranny. On the other side of the coin, he declines the crown and saves his country from himself, but he lacks the power that Caesar covets. Until this day I never thought a choice would be offered to Julius like that, for all that love him surely know his dedication to Rome. Above all Julius wants to preserve the Republic, at least I thought so until now.

Surely a man who wants to preserve the Republic would not walk around in the clothes of the emperors? Surely a man of the republic would not have the ambition that Caesar doth have?

The people and Antony tried to crown him thrice today, and thrice did he refuse it. But how long can a man withstand such temptation? It is in mans nature to give in to temptation, Even a man of such quality as Julius. After all, even Lucius Tarquinius, the emperor of the days when kings ruled Rome, gave into temptation. He couldn't fight desire and it ended badly, causing the death of Lucretia****. How can Julius win where others have failed? The man isn't a god, no matter what the populace believes. I have seen him bleed.

And he suffers too. No god suffers from the falling sickness where he foams at the mouth and convulses. No, Julius is mortal. Cassius sees his mortality as well, he has seen Julius fail and fall.

Julius remains noble throughout. Surely he, if any man, _he _could resist the temptation of the crown? But Casca declared that Caesar's resolve has weakened every time the crown was handed to him. How much longer will he last before he finally gives in and takes the crown, destroying the republic and forcing Rome into tyranny?

Why would fate be so cruel to a man so great as to have him destroy everything that is right and become a tyrant? It's cruel for them to set him up for the horrible events that I fear will come. For Caesar to destroy the republic, a government that stands for equality, it seems so…

But Cassius, who seems wiser than a human has a right to be, put it correctly. "The fault, dear Brutus," said he, "is not in our stars but in ourselves" The fault lies in Caesar, not in fate. For fate cannot control all, it is mortals that make the choices that choose the path.

And Caesar, I fear, will choose a path that will destroy any semblance of a republic, where man is equal and is governed by many. Caesar, although he doth refuse the crown, will give in some day. And when he does Rome shall be no more.

I cannot let that be. For I value and love Rome above all else, above even _myself_.

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This is a reference to Shakespeare poem, "The Rape of Lucrece" which tells the tale of how Lucius Tarquinius raped the lady Lucretia, and it was by this shameful act that Rome ceased to be ruled by emperors.


	2. Conspiracies and Lives

444Mane Ides Martii DCCX

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(The morning of March 15, 710 AUC (by the Roman Calendar), 43 BC (by ours))

Sleep alludes me tonight, for though my mind is heavy my eyes are light… too light for me to close, as much as I try. My body is as traitorous to my will as my thoughts are to Caesar.

As much as I try to find another solution to the situation at hand, I can find none. For Julius can be swayed by words, but to retreat from the crown would be too much ground for Caesar to yield. For Julius doesn't change his opinions entirely, and he is a slave to his own ambition. So the only answer is that of Caesars death.

Oh, if there was a way to separate Julius from Caesar, and Caesar from Julius… I would leap at the chance. For Julius is my friend and Caesar the tyrant. Caesar is ambitious where Julius is kind. If there ever was a way to separate the two sides of man, the light and the dark, I wish it would be discovered now. For I want not to kill Julius, but Caesar must die.

My taper is dying; I must get Lucius to fetch another.

So much has happened since I dropped the stylus that it is with anxious heart I pick it up again. When Lucius returned with a fresh taper he also carried a note. As I read it I could hear my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage and my mind was in a whirl. My eyes filled with tears that never fell, and my mouth dried. For the note's contents filled me with dread, but I knew what I had to do. The letter begged me to remove a possible tyrant, urging me to awaken from my slumber, to come to action. For Rome needs me and it is my duty to answer it's call.

Not long after I finished reading the letter there was a knock at the door. The conspirators were at my home to finalize plans for Caesar's death. And finalize we did, and we almost finalized plans for another as well. But I saved them from the thought of killing Antony. For surely his twisted sense of love to Caesar motivated him to give Caesar the crown. Without Caesar he poses no real threat, and he will awaken himself to realize what trouble his own action of handing the crown over would have caused Rome.

The conspiracy has its plans, the trap has been set, and the prey shall be executed presently. I should rejoice, Rome will be saved from a tyrant, a tyrant that is my friend, my hero. How does one cope with that? Butchering the man who's my idol? Killing a man who could do no wrong in my eyes? Murdering a man who was kind, wise, and good?

But he wants to be emperor, to force Rome into tyranny. And that's not possible, or at least I will make sure that it isn't as long as I am alive. To let the tyrant live is to kill Rome, for Rome to live I must murder Julius. But I will love him while I kill him. And Julius, the Julius that I loved, will surely see what I am doing is right and thank me for it.

The hour arrives for Julius to be escorted into the Senate. I must go and perform the dreadful deed. My hands will soon be bloody, but for a righteous cause. Perhaps I will write the next entry with the blood of a tyrant, to celebrate the victory for Rome? I shall see.


	3. The Deed is Done

Ides Martius DCCX

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(March 15, 710 AUC (by the Roman Calendar), 43 BC (by ours))

Years seemed to have passed between now and the morning's events. But he is gone. His blood poured onto the floor, coating my hands and intoxicating my mind, throwing me into a fervor like no other. Civilization left my mind and in flew on the wings of Bacchus an inebriation that left my head spinning. But the source was not wine, but blood, the blood of a tyrant and friend.

The temporary insanity was numbing though, and I needed it desperately. For I do not pretend that killing Caesar was a joyful task. When he looked at me with his eyes wide with betrayal and shock and said "Et tu Brute?" I felt my heart slow and my eyes water. If I had not already stabbed him my resolve would have shattered. But as the events stood, madness overcame me followed by bloodlust. Peace, freedom, and liberty… that was my mind's cry. But the irony is overwhelming, in securing peace we had to destroy it by succumbing to the animal's solution. For all our words and thoughts, we could not come up with a better answer than to slaughter a tyrant. Why would the gods want this? Why would the Fates be so cruel to Caesar and to all of us conspirators so as to force us into madness and murder?

But the people need to be addressed and informed, for an informed populace is a free one that can be forced to serve under no man. They need to have the feelings of the conspirators clarified; they need to be assured the truth. The truth that the murder of the great Julius Caesar was a last resort and only resolution to the problem that is tyranny. Surely they can see that we loved Caesar, but it was only for the survival of Rome that we murdered him.

Antony comes and I shall have him speak to the populace too, as I am sure he has awakened as I have and has realized the danger that is- was Julius Caesar.

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Authors Note: Well, I'm updating when I get a review for a chapter. So just one review and POOF! Update! The story is already finished too (I just finished it recently, it is for my summer homework assignment!)


	4. Asinine Antony

XVI Martius DCCX

(March 16, 710 AUC (by the Roman Calendar), 43 BC (by ours))

Antony was sleeping still when he addressed the crowd, and awakening seems to be impossible for him. So now all I can do is wait for the oncoming civil war. Who would have thought that an act that was supposed to bring about peace would only bring war? But we did what was right, even if the fickle populace sees it not. And Antony shall fall in the war, for his cause is not righteous. He seeks to make Rome crumble in his blindness, and I shall not let him succeed. I have killed my best friend, my father figure, for Rome… nothing can stop me from protecting it from an ignorant fool. I spared his life once, but never again.

My army gathers, the day of battle comes closer, and I must prepare for the fall of the asinine Antony.

**AN: ok it's short. But I don't think that Brutus will have any time to write much more, especially on that day. And thanks so much for the reviews! One more and update. Please?**


	5. A Darling Wife is Dead

XVII Martius DCCX

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(March 17, 710 AUC (by the Roman Calendar), 43 BC (by ours))

Portia is dead, my darling wife who was innocent of all conspiracy- dead! I had a suspicion when my letters were unanswered, and soon enough I found out the truth from multiple sources. The latest was but hours ago from Messalia's lips. Oh lips! Where Messalia's lips are healthy, Portia's lips, if they still exist, are badly scarred and the color of black charcoal, so unlike the lips that used to great me with their pink rosy perfection! I shall miss her so, and if I had not such loved ones as Cassius, and I didn't have the burden of protecting Rome, nothing could prevent me from going into battle with the mindset of someone who can risk it all. For how can life be worth living without my friend, who I killed, and my darling wife?

I had to keep my outward expression hard in front of the troops when the news came to me again. My grief was still fresh, and I think it was the most difficult thing that I've ever done. But it was necessary, for who would follow a person to battle that was always crying? The people don't want to follow mere mortals; they want to follow great men… that's how Caesar became so powerful.

Tomorrow is when we march on Philippi to confront Octavius, Antony, and Lepidus. It is the point of no return, it is the day the Fates will reveal their plans, will Rome live on as a Republic? Or shall it fall into tyranny?

I must sleep for now, so on the morrow I may devote all my attention to the crushing of mine - and Rome's - enemies.


	6. Off to Battle

XVIII Martius DCCX

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(March 18, 710 AUC (by the Roman Calendar), 43 BC (by ours))

I had a visit from an unearthly guest last night. The ghastly apparition assumed the shape of a phantom Caesar, and with dreadful silence it walked around my tent. It was a personal haunt, as I'm sure no one else could see it.

It is a bad omen, and I fear for today's battle. The gods have left us many signs so far, and we have ignored them. Julius ignored the soothsayer's warnings… and he died.

This battle…

This battle may be a loss. But I shall not become a prisoner, nor shall I live to surrender. If it comes down to it, I shall take my own life. For I shall die honorably as Rome's protector instead as a cowardly old man.

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Thus ends the tale of Brutus, the most noble Roman.

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AN: And now for a note to my wonderful four reviewers that I adore:

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Compass: Thanks so much for reading the fic, and reviewing twice! I hope you liked it all the way through!

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Crossbow: I did misspell "eludes" thanks so much for pointing that out to me. Just goes to show that you can't always trust Microsoft Word. And I advise you to read the play if you like this, it's one of the best Shakespearean plays… in my opinion at least.

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MurasakiNeko: Thanks for the compliments, I really tried hard to get some of the language for Brutus, without sounding too flowery. You really should have seen my earlier entries, they reminded me of Shakespeare on crack… Anyway, I hope you liked it and came back and read it!

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Theresa Delmonte: Ooo! I did play Endy! That's so cool that you read this fic… it's been what… 3 years since that RPG? Time seems to have gone by so fast! Perhaps we shall meet again on another rpg, and this time I'll get Remus! (Although, granted, Snape was a hottie in my version).

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And to all those that read and didn't review: Thanks for taking the time and reading this incredibly short fan fic… I hope you enjoyed it!


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